Conscious Relationships + Marriage
It’s been 2 years since I married my high school sweetheart, during the height of the pandemic and the peak of Lion’s Gate Portal. It was one of the most magical days of my life and I will cherish the memory forever. I don’t share much about my relationship as I like to keep this more private as well as respect Matt. For those who don’t know him or our story, yes, we have been dating since we are 15 years old. As you can imagine, we have changed several times during these (almost) 13 years together. We went from best friends to naive kids in love to navigating our own lives in college while still making one another a priority. We have been committed to our love through these changes as we continuously discovered ourselves together. It was not always an easy relationship and still is not “perfect.” We have grown so much as a couple; we have learned to communicate our needs, we give each other space, and we bring out the best in each other. Matt is the most supportive husband; he constantly cheers on my dreams, challenges my way of thinking, accepts and loves me, and reminds me not to take life so seriously. As it turns out his playful (double) Gemini energy is actually a pretty good match for my obsessive, Virgo energy. Where I am a perfectionist, he reminds me to find joy and to live life in the grey instead of black and white.
During our ceremony, we read the vows we wrote for each other. I won’t go into all of them but one line that stuck out to me from Matt’s was his “investment in me.” He vowed to not only invest in my business ideas but to invest in our lives. Relationships are all about investment and energy exchange. You choose to invest your time, energy, and love for another person while remaining invested in your individual growth. The more you invest, the bigger the return on investment. As someone who has been in a long-term relationship, these are some of the lessons I have learned throughout the years.
Our relationships are all mirrors of our own growth
The biggest lesson that I have learned over the years is that. our relationships are mirrors of our own growth. That may sound intense and it is, but it’s also part of our journey in this lifetime. I recently read the book A Cosmic Bond, which has had me feeling more connected to my baby’s spirit and also my own journey. The book talks about how we all have a soul contract and have likely had many lives with our soul family. Each lifetime brings different roles and purposes, but we come back to keep learning with each other. All of the people in your life, including your romantic ones, are your mirror showing you where you need to work on yourself. If your partner is triggering something in you, it’s a direct invitation to look at that part of yourself that is not yet embodied. Your job here is to be constantly evolving and come back to your own source of self. Matt has been a mirror to me in many ways, including the opportunity to grow my own self-love and independence. I keep hearing how our children are our biggest mirrors as well, showing us where we need to heal ourselves and reparent the parts of ourselves that felt neglected. This is something I am becoming more mindful and conscious of as I am about to become a Mom.
You are your own love first and foremost
When Matt and I first started dating, I had been going through my own personal traumas. I leaned on him for validation of love and acceptance. While he was always there for me, I became reliant on him to feel loved. As we got older and started to create our own lives in NYC, my love and confidence for myself grew. I suddenly became empowered and learned to give myself my own validation. I started figuring out who I was more, by attending events and doing things more independently for the first time. When I started to truly love who I was and this allowed our relationship to grow and evolve. I went from needing to be together to just wanting to be together. Without becoming more independent, I know our relationship wouldn’t be where it is now. The more I work on myself and my energy, the more I can be true to our relationship without projecting my insecurities onto him. Therapy also has helped me over the years as well as subconscious reprogramming and inner child work. Working on yourself and your own energy is the most essential thing you can do for yourself. Because at the end of the day, you are the most important person in your life.
It’s ok to ask for help
Owning my own business has been challenging and I am constantly going through ups and downs. While I don’t rely on him for everything, he is my sounding board. I make decisions for myself while asking him for advice. I lean on him when I feel overwhelmed and allow myself to be vulnerable. Matt is one of the most honest people I know who is no BS. He is incredibly supportive and constantly challenges me to think bigger and to keep going. He always makes me feel safe to come to him when I need help, and he doesn’t judge me or put me down. And he is always there to remind me to breathe and not to take everything so seriously. Regardless of your job, it is always ok to ask for help. You are allowed to be a badass and an empowered woman while also being supported.
The work never ends
Matt and I are very different in regard to our lifestyles; he loves golfing and watching sports, and while he does not practice spiritual rituals with me, we respect each other's time and values. We both give each other the space to do what we need to feel our best. He does not care for GF or DF lifestyle but he always accommodates my dietary restrictions and tries to live healthier. He meditates with me to connect, and he reminds me to be less on my phone and more in the present moment. I try to go with him golfing and respect his hobbies
Disagreeing is a normal part of any relationship. We cannot expect people to always see our side, and often we operate out of fear and not our truth. I get asked all the time if our relationship has changed since we got married, and the truth is, not really. We are still the same people with the same beliefs, but now there is a layer of commitment to being the best we can be. We work in our relationship daily to ensure we stay true to ourselves and each other. What works for a couple may not work for you, and that is ok; we are all different and require different needs, which is completely healthy and normal in all relationships. he loves golfing and watching sports, and while he does not practice spiritual rituals with me, we respect each other's time and values. So whether you're calling someone in or with someone, remember to stay true to yourself while not settling to give up your beliefs. You also cannot expect someone to be who you want them to be. You accept them for who they are and surrender to the need to control or change them. By expecting someone to change that, you are hindering their life purpose.
Love languages are real
Knowing your partner’s love language and your own is key to a successful relationship. It’s a way to become conscious of your needs and honor your partner’s. It allows for better communication and living more intentionally with your actions. If you know your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, something simple as saying “thank you, I appreciate you” goes such a long way. If you know your love language is quality time, it’s making that known to your partner so you can feel that your time together is intentional and special.
I am not a relationship coach, this is just what has worked for us. We are still learning as we go and figuring it out. When you learn to be more conscious of your triggers and your needs, you can feel more fulfilled in your relationships and life.
Entering a new chapter
As Matt and I are about to enter a totally new chapter, I keep coming back to his vows. I keep reminding myself that although we have never been here before, we have grown together before. We have overcome challenges before, we have continued to invest our energy in our relationship, and we have always had the intention of being teammates. I am so excited to watch him become a Dad, create a family of our own, and evolve yet again as we enter a new chapter of growth and love like we’ve never known before.