My birth story + Postpartum Journey

Two weeks ago, on September 18, 2023, at 8:51 PM, I welcomed my baby girl, Stevie Jade, into the world. With a Virgo sun, Taurus rising, and Scorpio moon, she is a bundle of cosmic magic. She is a Manifestor in human design, and I can’t wait to watch her personality unfold. Her presence is pure perfection, and I am still in awe that she is mine. I can’t believe it’s been two weeks since I wrote this. She already has stolen my heart and I feel like this is what I was meant to do. Named after my late grandpa JJ, who affectionately called me his crown jewel, Stevie translates to 'crown,' and Jade translates to 'precious stone.' This name choice honors my angel and symbolizes my connection to the universe. Ever since I conceived her, and even before, I felt a strong connection with my spirit baby. Throughout the entire journey, I sensed that I was being protected by JJ. The recurring appearance of 222 during my pregnancy served as a reminder to trust my timing and assured me that I was living in alignment with my purpose. Now that she is here with us, on Earth, I can't believe this incredible human chose me. At 30 weeks, I had a spirit baby reading with Emily The Medium, Author of A Cosmic Bond. She explained how connected we are and how we’ve had many lifetimes together. She told me how spiritual my baby’s soul is and that we have the same mission.

9.18.23

My birth was the most intense and beautiful experience of my life. Starting with mild contractions Sunday evening I knew that she was coming soon. I went to bed but was unable to sleep much, waking up every few hours. At 4:35 am I woke up to my water breaking. I called my doctor who told me to shower, eat something, and go to the hospital. When your water breaks, there is less protection for the baby so laboring longer at home wasn’t an option. Matt packed up the car and we arrived at the hospital at 5:55 am. It was a bit chaotic and they told us they were very busy so we were put into triage for 2 hours monitoring my contractions. At this point, I was 2 cm dilated and having contractions every 5 minutes. It felt like it was coming quickly and I felt hopeful that she’d come that day. We got to our delivery room around 8:25 a.m. My mom arrived at this time and I last minute decided I wanted her in the room with us. The contractions were about 2 minutes apart and getting more intense. At 3:30 pm, by the time I was 4.5 cm dilated I decided I needed the epidural to help me be more present through the rest of the process. It allowed me to relax more and actually sped up the dilation. Because I had lost my fluid with my water breaking, she was in distress. Around 5:00 pm, her heart rate was declining and I wasn’t having contractions. 9 nurses, doctors, and anesthesiologists were suddenly hurrying into my room staring at the screen and deciding what to do next. Matt and I just watched with no idea what was going to happen. I was extremely close to being pulled into an emergency c-section but luckily was able to get her in a good position. I was on my hands and knees for 2 hours trying to get her to flip from sunny side up to the correct position. The midwife on call was encouraging me and checking in nonstop. After 2 hours I went from 5-10 cm and was ready to push. My dr. And midwife supported my delivery and Matt was right by my side. I started at 8:11 pm and by 8:51 pm, Stevie arrived in the world to kygo playing. I’m so grateful to the staff, my team, and my daddy doula for supporting me. And so glad we got 5 more days with her. 🩷

How my spirituality played into my birth plan

On the way to the hospital, I noticed the number 222 on a cab in front of us, and I trusted that my timing was perfect. We arrived at the hospital at 5:55 a.m., which served as a reminder that I am capable of change and that I am safe. I also wore my 444 socks, which reminded me that I was protected by the universe and my guides. This felt like a full circle moment, as I had worn them to every doctor’s appointment throughout my pregnancy.

In the lead-up to my birth, I had hoped to work with a birth doula. However, when she canceled on me at the last minute, I trusted it was a sign that I didn’t need the additional support. This became a significant lesson in surrender, as I had clung to the idea that a doula was necessary for a meaningful birth experience. Despite knowing many people who had found doulas impactful, I feared mine wouldn’t be as meaningful without one and questioned my capability. I had actually manifested working with a doula for free months before giving birth. Although uncertain of how it would happen, I trusted the universe. I was initially connected with a friend who met a doula-in-training looking to get certified. However, after a few weeks, she canceled due to a change in her career path. Taking it as a sign, I trusted that something better would come along. She connected me with another colleague going through training, but she, too, had to cancel due to personal reasons. Feeling frustrated and nervous as my due date approached, I continued to trust that things were unfolding for me. As the desperation grew, I was determined to find a doula, even if not for free as I had initially manifested. A few days before I gave birth I even had a prenatal massage with a doula who was available to assist me. At first, I thought this was a sign but ultimately decided it wasn’t right and felt forced. Finally, I decided to let go and trust that this was happening for me. Matt and I participated in a 1:1 childbirth education class with Forever Doula, which ultimately prepared us both for what to expect.

My mom came into our room for my labor at the last minute, and it was exactly what I needed to feel safe. I had a birth plan from the beginning and understood that the environment played a significant role in the experience I desired. I created a vision board with images and affirmations that I could refer to when needed. I also used various crystals for support, including malachite (known as the ‘midwife’s stone’) for pain, selenite for protection, and Angelite for connecting with my spirit baby and guides. I reikied the room and set an intention. During my labor, I had tea light candles lit, dimmed the lights, and listened to calming music, continuing this until the pushing stage.

Prior to giving birth, I listened to positive hypnobirthing affirmations every day. I sent Reiki to the hospital and my future self and baby. I also reread Chapter 9 of ‘Spirit Babies,’ which focuses on the birth shaman. This chapter discusses how to connect with the shaman within us during birth and how to support our spirit babies as they prepare to enter the world. It’s about tapping into your crown chakra to connect with your spirit baby and connecting with your root chakra to allow them to feel safe as they enter the 3D physical world. When Stevie’s heart rate was declining, and she wasn’t in the right position, I lay there and meditated for an hour. I gave myself Reiki and envisioned my birth shaman safely guiding my baby to the other side. This intention is what helped ensure the healthy delivery of my baby.

Originally, I wanted a midwife; however, I was turned away from a group due to my health conditions. The midwife in my doctor’s group happened to be on call that day. While my doctor was in a c-section, the midwife was supporting me and my progression. As I was pushing, she was beside me at my ear, encouraging me to keep going while my doctor was delivering me. Matt was by my other side, holding my legs and telling me how great I was doing. Even though I didn’t have the doula experience I wanted, I had the perfect team and support, which was exactly what I needed. This experience taught me so much about my own strength and also about surrendering. It was the ultimate test of trusting myself and Matt, knowing that I am protected by the universe and right where I need to be. The fact that she was born right during the Jewish New Year and on 9/18 was incredibly symbolic of new life. SJ is protected by her angel grandpa watching over her.

Birth is the most spiritual experience. Babies are choosing to enter the world and have a human experience. How and when they get here is how they’re meant to. 🤍💫🪽👼🏼

The Fourth Trimester

The fourth trimester is a unique time and everyone’s journey is different. For me, I am releasing the idea of how it should look. I am allowing myself time to heal and be supported. I am honoring this temporary time and nourishing myself as much as I can. Matt and I went to Boram, a postnatal retreat, the day after I delivered Stevie. The stay allowed us to feel much more confident as first-time parents, facilitating our transition into real life. We learned everything from lactation and breastfeeding to newborn care. During our time there, we got much-needed sleep, and I had the opportunity to recover and be taken care of. I genuinely feel that everyone should have access to this kind of support, and I'm grateful that places like Boram exist.

After our retreat, our families visited and supported us for the first two weeks. Their presence provided additional help with cleaning and tending to our house as Matt and I navigated being home with a new baby. Now that they've left, we're embarking on this journey just the two of us. It's overwhelming and scary, but I'm also excited to learn and grow with Matt. As he returns to work, I'm feeling anxious, and a lot of fear is surfacing. Being self-employed, I don't have maternity leave, so I'm taking this time to focus on being a mom until I'm ready to shift my focus back to work. This transition hasn't been easy since I'm not used to not working on something. I'm allowing this time to unfold, surrendering to the unknown, and releasing the need to control things. Right now, this season of life is less about doing and more about being.